The Bi-Monthly Newsletter of the Families Anonymous Fellowship
Selected Articles From
THE TWELVE STEP RAG
The Bi-Monthly Newsletter of
the Families Anonymous Fellowship
Click here for a Twelve Step Rag Order Form.
"Catch the FA Spirit"
UNEXPECTED TURNS
September-October 2006
Over the years there have been many unexpected turns in my
life; some mild and easy to handle and others devastating. Before FA, I
responded to these hard and painful turns with fear, anxiety, blame, and
resentment. My reactions were influenced by my life map, which lacked a program
of recovery and the blessing of serenity. Then FA made a dramatic entry into my
life map. FA has given me a program to enhance, guide and strengthen my ability
to travel my road through life, no matter what unexpected turns occur.
The map I used without FA was one that focused on others rather than upon
myself. My serenity was linked and dependent on how I thought that others should
live and how they might affect my life. When there was an unexpected and painful
turn in the road, such as my son using drugs and wasting the precious time and
effort to achieve the success that I envisioned for him, I became depressed and
stressed, using excessive energy to control him and what he did - with no
success. It seemed that he became my weather vane for my feelings and emotions.
Those around me were able recognize when I was confronted with unexpected turns
of any type, as my own feelings were visibly reflected in agitation, anger,
impatience and fatigue.
After FA began to influence my life, my program for dealing with unexpected
turns began to change. I began using a Twelve Step map, allowing me to travel
with purpose and meet challenges with a healthier attitude. I learned that I
alone was responsible for my own behavior! Others could affect my feelings only
as I allowed them. By using the Twelve Steps, I learned to let go of resentment,
become less fearful, trust my Higher Power, and stop blaming others. The reward
was that I enjoyed serenity in spite of unsolved problems. The Twelve Step map,
which I call “program,” has provided me with the new thinking and behaviors that
help navigate life’s unexpected turns.
Specifically for me, this FA program includes attending group meetings
regularly, reading my Today a Better Way daily, attending FA conventions,
serving as a group leader from time to time, serving as a WSB Board Member,
meditating, and praying daily to my Higher Power.
When my life becomes too busy to use this daily map, I suddenly recognize that
my needs are not being met; I fall back into old habits. My reactions, behaviors
and serenity are affected by my lack of effort to practice my program. When I
make time to use my FA program map, I feel confidence knowing that I am able to
deal with the unexpected turns in life.
We all have our own FA program maps of recovery. Is yours working for you? If it
is not, it may be time to take your own inventory and refine your FA program
map. The recovery of each one of us is important to the fellowship. I wish the
best to you all in your efforts to survive the unexpected turns in life with
serenity!
Jon S.
WSB Chair
Outlook From The Chair
(July - August 2004)
Another Successful Annual Convention! Were You there?
Each year Families Anonymous holds its annual convention over the Memorial Day
weekend. The actual location rotates among various cities throughout the US.
This year our 32nd annual convention was held at the Executive Inn in
Evansville, IN. The theme was “Patterns of Recovery.” Attending the convention
is open to all FA members and their guests. It is a good time to renew old
friendships and make new ones from across the country as well as to gain new
information and inspiration. The convention always includes the required annual
Business Meeting and the monthly World Service Board of Directors Meeting for
May. Both meetings are open for all to attend. The highlight of each convention
is always the workshops offered and the specially invited speakers. This year
nine different workshops were offered at various times. There were several
keynote speakers as well as personal testimonies from individuals. The FA
convention committee members need to be recognized for all the hard work,
attention to details, and dedication to FA. The committee chair, Mary Jo, and
her staff made this convention one that will be long remembered. For those who
were not at the convention, make your plans now to attend our next one over the
Memorial Day weekend in 2005. The location will be determined shortly.
Improving communications. On Sunday afternoon a session was held between board
members and attendees to exchange dialog, obtain feedback, and improve
communication between the World Service Board and local groups. Numerous items
were openly discussed concerning how to improve this relationship. Board members
explained the purpose and importance of appointing a Group Internet
Representative (GIR) and how this individual obtains information from the FA
website to keep local groups informed. Members suggested visits from board
members, where feasible, to their local group meeting to show interest at the
local level, make groups aware of our E-meetings, explain our public information
plans, stress the importance of studying and following the Twelve Steps and
Twelve Traditions, and help shift emphasis on recovery to a higher level beyond
strength, hope, and comfort. The third major area mentioned was the suggestion
to develop and post on the website a short one-page report that is updated each
month and that briefly outlines board activities so that it can to be shared at
the local level. All this information was excellent feedback and will be an
agenda item at a board meeting within the next two months. As chair, I would
like to see more dialogs like this from our members.
What the convention did for me. I left the convention feeling rejuvenated and
highly enthusiastic about what FA is all about and how much we are helping
individuals who could benefit from our organization. All of us on the board were
constantly being thanked for our service and for our efforts to make FA a more
viable organization. I want to share some of the most-often heard comments.
Heard most often from attendees. The most consistent comment I heard was that we
have to get the word out to others or we will cease to exist as an organization.
We have two initiatives on-going in this area. In the near future we hope to
have a third initiative. The two on-going initiatives involve the Internet. We
constantly update and add new areas to our website for our members. The second
on-going area is our E-meetings. At present we have over 115 regular and 109
digest members. Our E-meetings are now international as we have members in
Spain, England, Canada, Mexico, the Caribbean Islands, and all across the United
States. At least 18 local group meetings have been spawned from our E-meetings.
One of the new initiatives for this coming year is to develop an integrated plan
for the future direction of FA which includes identifying various target
markets; establishing goals, objectives, milestones, and needed resources; and
integrating this into short-term (less than a year), intermediate (two to four
years), and long-term (beyond five years) plan.
A word of caution from the attendees. The second most often heard comment was a
caution. It seems that in some cases well-meaning comments had a negative effect
on the first or second time attendee at a local meeting. Numerous members
commented that frequently at their meetings when newcomers are present,
long-time members have mentioned that they have been coming to FA for many years
(4 years, 12 years, et cetera). This seemed to have a negative effect on the
newcomers, resulting in a feeling that "I do not want to wait that long to find
a solution to my problem. I am going to look elsewhere." A corollary to this is
that when we have newcomers at our local meeting, we must all work together to
make an extra effort so that the newcomer feels comfortable and will look
forward to returning the following week for another meeting.
FA was mentioned again in Anne’s Mailbox column. I hope everybody saw the latest
plug for FA in Anne’s Mailbox. It appeared in our local newspaper on 7 Jun 04.
As always, I encourage comments, suggestions, and constructive criticism on the
above, on our organization, and on the efforts and responsibilities of its board
members. Let's keep the lines of communication open and together we can move
forward and continue to improve our fellowship. God Bless America!
Don S.
Chair, WSB 2003-2005
E-mail: dwschleicher@eee.org
The day my wife convinced me
our son was an addict, was the gloomiest, darkest day of my life. I no longer
could say, “All the kids his age have a few beers, and smoke a little pot. So
what?”
As our son started on his road to recovery to have a bit of hope, the days got a
bit brighter. He then went to a live-in program, which besides helping him, we
now realize, was one of the brightest times in our recovery…apart from our
Families Anonymous meetings. We love our son, but how wonderful that he lives
miles away! We sympathize with those whose addicts live close-by or even harder,
still at home.
Although he’s relapsed twice, the few months he spent in a live-in program has
done wonders for him and us. While working full time to support himself, he went
to school part time and now has an excellent job. He hopes to continue his
education and go further in his field. Wow!
Although he still does not do many things the way I would do, I’ve finally
learned to keep my mouth shut. We speak to one another a few times a week, and
have just returned from a weekend visit with him.
Because of my FAmily, we are a family again!
He not only attends meetings but is involved in his meetings…just as we are
involved in Families Anonymous. We have a lot of sunshine coming in. Why, I even
call our son ‘Sunny’ on rainy days.
--From Florida
What I learned at One
Meeting
I decided to take notes one
night whenever something struck me that the group said that was particularly
profound or useful. Here’s the result:
The illness is insanity! Don’t enter into it with them.
Make amends, WISELY.
Expectations = creations, and there is only One Who is Creator.
My name is Dad (or Mom), not God.
Don’t ‘shut the door’ on the past our of fear.
What is failure, really? We are looking for progress, not perfection!
Separate yourself from the addict – put your Higher Power in between the two of
you.
I learn from my failures even if the addict doesn’t or can’t.
I can fix my house, car, lawn mower, and computer, but I can’t fix my kid…or
another human being. Only God can do that.
My Higher Power takes care of me, and theirs takes care of them. Notice all the
plural pronouns in the 12 Steps: we, us, ourselves – because we all share and
get better together. If there were only personal pronouns, you might as well
stay home and read. But together we get better individually as the whole group
improves.
I wasn’t crazy, the situation was insane.
I don’t even have to try to fix things, the Higher Power will do that.
Stay in TODAY! No crystal ball gazing.
Don’t do for others what they can do for themselves.
Good Questions to Ask:
What am I doing?
Why am I doing this?
What do I want from this?
No good answers? Stop doing it!
Ask, is this kind, loving and fair? If not all three at once, then don’t do it
or say it.
The 12 steps are simple, but they are not easy.
When I get better, they get better!
Faith is not knowing that God can, it’s knowing that He will!
Now you know why I love my group!
--From Illinois